Articles » Night Of The Drunken Redneck

This gets filed under "Things I don't tell my parents."

After closing at McDonalds I grabbed all the extra food to throw at cars that pass me, like always. Well tonight I had some left over food by the time I got back to Honeoye. So I drove down Main Street and whipped a coffee creamer at this ugly redneck truck. Then I went and turned around at Sugarcreek and came back up past the only red light in Honeoye. That's when the truck passed me again, so I threw something else at it, well it fucking LOCKED UP it's back breaks and did a 180 in the middle of the road.

I flew my fastest up Main St. then turned left onto County Rd 37 where I maxed out my little truck at 100mph but he CAUGHT UP TO ME. I was screwed. I had to get up onto Curtis Rd (the road I live on) somehow, except I would have to go up some hills to get to it. I turned right onto Hayward Hill road. Now, my truck is bad at hills and he was right on me ass, with his brights on, like 3 feet behind me.

I managed to make it to the top of the road and turned right, onto my road. Everytime we turned I could hear his tires squeelin'. I drove past the Curtis [Crackhouse] appartments. Now this is the tricky part, our drunk-ass highway department has had our road torn up for 2 months now, so it's all VERY LOOSE gravel. The hillbilly chasing me slowed down for this, but not me, I wanted to get away, and quick. I came so close to loosing it as my back end fishtailed a couple of times, I pulled it together and quickly stopped and turned down Howcroft Rd. He was a fairly good distance behind me so I felt safe, I got back on County Rd 37 and went the opposite way, towards town.

My plan was to turn into a field that had a trail that went way back off the road, to our pond. Well he saw me turn and turned into the driveway right next to it, all I saw was headlights and was like "Oh crap, I'm FUCKED!" Well he stopped and just watched me as I drove over the little hill and back to our pond, then I continued this dirt path that led me up behind my cousin Cody's house and back onto Curtis rd. I got on the road and drove up the hill with my headlights off, turned into my driveway and parked way in the back behind my mini-ramp. Hidden. Scared.

I'm not gonna throw stuff at cars anymore.

Written by Matt West on 8/10/2001